Friday, March 4, 2011

31 Day Photo and Prompt Challenge - Day 4

Every day during the month of March it's gravy, baby! is challenging bloggers to give insight into their lives with the 31 Day Photo and Prompt Challenge.

Today's challenge it to write about An Experience That Made Me Who I Am Today

I've been married three times, twice to the same man. This third marriage has lasted over eight years and I feel like our love grows the longer we are together. Either that or we've just learned to put up with each other.

I was 18 years old the first time I got married. I had already done the deed with him many times and had my first child when I was the baby myself at the age of 17. Two weeks into dating my then-husband, the red flags were thrown in my face like a rodeo clown trying to anger a bull. My ex was textbook emotionally and verbally abusive from the get-go. It was a sad situation really. I'd write in my diary everyday. I still have those diaries, and looking back on them, I absolutely should've seen the situation for what it was. Every time I'd consider leaving my ex, he'd either persuade me that things would get better or he'd let me know I wasn't worth the dirt that he walked on.

I somehow found the strength to leave my ex and we divorced. I was divorced from him for a year and a half, and even dated other guys. My ex kept on me, hounding me to go back to him. Dumbly, I did. We remarried and had two other children. Things didn't change. They only got worse. I hated myself and my life. I literally broke down, going through each day as a robot. A turn of events caused me to rethink my life and I finally walked away for good.

I was weak, I let someone tell me how to think and feel, I sometimes wanted to die. It took a long time, a lot of patience from my current husband, and some therapy to rebuild me back up. As much as I don't like that I went through what I did, I feel it helped make me who I am today. I am still socially awkward to a point, but I will never let anyone make me feel like I'm nothing. I've learned that I can think and speak for myself. Whether anyone wants to hear it or not, I have a voice. I'm stronger now that I've ever been. Oh, and I got two wonderful sons from my second marriage.


Karrie said...

You sure went through a lot! :(
I definitely relate to your story!
I am so happy to read that you have found someone that is there for you!!!

Karen said...

your life story could be mine--I was married three times, but never to the same man twice. divorced three times. Then I met my husband, and we have been married almost 19 years. He is my heart!