Thursday, September 25, 2014

Sorry Cancer, You're Not Winning This One

I'm an emotional wreck. So if this post is way out in left field with rambles, sorry. Not sorry.

My world was thrown for a loop yesterday. A diagnosis of lung cancer on your mother will do that to a person.

I've already passed through the cancer bridge a few times. I'm not ready for another go round. I was 13 years old when my step-father died of pancreatic cancer. It was an agonizing two years of pain and suffering. My step-mother succumbed to cancer in 2003 and my father had his toll with cancer for three months before it took his life in 2005. I literally watched my step-father and father take their last breaths at home. So yeah, I'm a little emotional right now, hearing that my mother has it. She's my best friend, my pillar of strength, my go-to gal.

I've seen mom's health decline this past year. She's been in and out of the hospital with pneumonia three times in less than two months. Her COPD has worsened. She looks older. She acts older. Her health problems have taken a toll on her, and it shows.

Hearing the news of lung cancer was like a blow to my stomach. I've cried rivers of tears at home, while faking positivity when around her.

This isn't about me. I'm not the one with the cancer pronouncement attached to me. But I feel like my heart has been completely slammed against a wall. I know it's God's will and it's all in His hands. But I'm ashamedly selfish. I just want my momma to be okay. I want this nightmare to end already.

Tests start next Monday. Mom will be having a PET Scan to see how far the cancer is spread and an extensive breathing exam to see how well her lungs can input and output oxygen. We'll see where to go from there.

I'm not asking for a pity party. But I am asking for a boatload of prayers.

3 comments:

Sharon Schoepe said...

Prayers for you and your Mom

Pink and Green Mom said...

Prayers for your mom, you and your family.

Renee said...

Prayers for all of you! My brother in law's mother has beaten lung cancer--I know your mom can too :)