Friday, October 24, 2014

All Right, Cancer, Enough is Enough!

As mom lays in the hospital bed, hardly able to keep her eyes open, all I can do is sit and cry.  I wonder if I'm mentally strong enough.  I think about her future.  Then I cry some more.
If it's not one thing, it's another.  My mother was sent back to the hospital last Saturday, and hasn't been out since.  And won't be anytime soon. 
It all started a couple months ago when she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and it's been a crazy chaos of sickness since then. 
Mom was started on a chemo and radiation regimen.  Radiation everyday, and chemo once a week.  So far, she hasn't gotten one full session of chemo.  She became unconscious several times and was sent to the ER.  Not knowing what was wrong, she was sent home.  Two days later she was sent back with the same episodes. 
At this time, doctors believe the episodes of passing out are caused by Absence Seizures.  Add that to the top of the list of things already wrong!  She's losing weight and becoming weaker.  The cancer doctor won't do chemo on  her again until she's feeling stronger and doing better.  It's a Catch 22.  She needs the chemo to fight the cancer, but the cancer and other illnesses are keeping her from getting the chemo.
Yesterday was even more heartbreaking news.  Mom doesn't get to come home.  She was admitted to the Rehab Unit in the hospital for approximately two weeks.  There she will receive three hours of physical and occupational therapy a day, in addition to the radiation.  It's her new home for the time being.
Watching the downward spiral is killing me.  I'm emotionally drained and sleep deprived.  But it's not about me.  It's about getting her better.  Although I have a handful of family and friends that genuinely care, I sometimes feel alone in all this.  I feel disconnected.  My mind is consumed with it.  She's not my "normal" mom and I'm not strong enough to accept that. 
 Mom and I both have a lot of faith.  We believe in "God's will and God's way".  Everyone has hard times and trials in their lives.  This is one for our family.


LauraJJ said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. :( I will be keeping your family and your mom in my prayers!

Renee said...

Try not to view her rehab stay as a terrible thing--try thinking of it as a time for her to heal in the hands of trained medical professionals, and as a time for you to recharge so you can do all you can for her when she comes home. You've got to rest and take care of yourself so you don't get sick. I can imagine what a hard time you are having and I sympathize with you! I hope things get much better for your family very soon.