I'm a night owl, y'all. When most people are asleep, I'm wide awake. It doesn't make for good TV. I get infomercials, and not much else. It's the life of the graveyard shift.
One evening while flipping through the channels, debating on which fantabulous infomercial I wanted to watch, I happened upon Peter Popoff. Being the good Christian woman that I am, I wanted to know what made this guy act like the second cousin to Jesus.
There Peter was, healing people of cancer. Ridding them of disease. Fixing their finances. Shoot, he was almost better than the Messiah himself!
If you called within the next thirty minutes, you'd receive a packet of Miracle Spring Water for free. Free, I tell ya! I was sold.
Or, rather, my friend Becky was sold. She called that number up and listened to Prophet Peter Popoff preach it. ALL she had to do was leave a name and address, and Peter would provide the Miracle Spring Water. Only Becky didn't give her info, she gave mine. What are friends for?!!
Like Ralphie waiting for his Red Ryder, I looked in my mailbox every day. I wanted to be healed and anointed and all that jazz. FINALLY, that day came!
I received my very own personalized generic template letter with my packet of Miracle Water, with specific instructions on what to do. I was to sprinkle it on areas of my body that needed healed (my neither regions got a lot!), sprinkle it on my money (that poor dollar got doused), and drink the rest (wait, didn't Alice do something like that?!).
BUT WAIT, there's more! Prophet Peter knew that I was in financial dire straits. If I sent him $27 he would bless my money and I'd receive that amount tenfold. Too bad I only had a dollar to my name, and it was wet from Miracle Water.
Downtrodden, I knew I had missed my chance. But, lucky for me, Peter sent me another letter! This time I just needed to send in $24. And, if I'd already spent my money at the gamblin' boat, I could just send in half now and the other half later. What a kind, caring man!
Since Becky has given
Ripoff Popoff my address, I've received five letters from him. Shoot, I didn't get that many when I had a pen pal. He must really like me! He's sent me pennies, an eraser with Jesus on it, and a drop of spilled anointed oil. The gifts just keep on comin'. Like I said, kind and caring!
In all seriousness, though, it irks me that people fall for this falsehood. It's obviously working, or Popoff would be out of business. Hear me out, Popff can't heal you. He can't bring you financial gain. He's an ordinary man with an extraordinary gift of deception. He is what gives Christians a bad name. I'm a Christian and will gladly tell you all about Jesus, without asking for a penny. Don't fall for the Popoff Ripoff!
This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.