The words of the poem above explain it all. Time hasn't healed anything. It's been exactly one year since my mother passed away and I still miss her as much as I did when it happened.
I've been through some traumatic events in my life but I believe this one takes the cake. Maybe it's because she was my best friend, my confidant, my protector. Maybe it's because she became the child and I became the parent during the last two years of her life. Maybe it's because I watched her deteriorate and was the last one to see her alive. Maybe it's because.
with mom at Easter service last year
This last year has tested me. I went into a deep depression. I'm now on meds to stabilize my moods. I went into a rage stage. I hated everyone and everything. I felt like no one cared. Every one else could go on with their lives, and I couldn't. And, just when I felt like there was some sort of light, I'd go right back in the rabbit hole of despair and sorrow so bad I physically ached. Lately, I've been in the mad mode. I'm mad that she left me. I'm mad that she won't be there to see my husband graduate from Ministry Development Institute. I'm mad that my boys will be graduating high school and she's not there. I'm MAD.
I have no doubt in my mind that my mother is in Heaven. Her body and soul is perfect. And, someday, we will meet again.
I have days of being okay. Those have become more regular. But I don't know if I'll ever be back to "normal". My world crashed this day last year and I'm still learning to cope.
my mother and brother - March 2015