Wednesday, February 14, 2018

My Not-So-Expert Tips on How To Handle Your Mystery Illness

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

Since I've had an illness for four days now, I'd consider myself somewhat of an expert.
Not sure exactly what's got me down but I assume this will work for influenza, scarlet fever, pneumonia, HerpaGonaSyphillAids.

1. Have lots of toilet paper on hand - For the obvious reason of course. But also for the millions of times you need to blow your nose. You'll be using so much that you don't want to go all hoity-toity with Kleenex.

2. Several pair of underwear - You're gonna pee 'em, so you're gonna need 'em.

3. Supportive family - Even though they treat you like you've got the plague, have a couple people around who will empathize and be there for ya. Even with his campy comments, Jason has been a beast in getting me through this. Logan has helped as well.

4. Your own special blanket - You're going to be coughing into it eight trillion million times, so make it your own.

5. More blankets - For those times when you need a ton of them to alleviate the chills.

6. A fan - For the hot flashes. (It's almost like a cycle of menopause).

7. A bed and a couch - Use the bed when you first fall asleep, then migrate to the couch when you're coughing and hallucinating so much that you don't want to wake your SO.

I won't even charge you for the advice.  Keep in mind, though, that I'm not a doctor and don't play one on TV.  Seek professional help if you're sick.

3 comments:

Kari Wagner said...

HOLY SHIT, FRIEND I FEEL THIS WITH ALL OF MY BEING.

I had the flu (or still have it) for over two weeks. I am good now but man, there were times I thought I might not make it and I am not a drama queen.

Feel better soon. :)

jjmon2012 said...

I agree with everything you said EXCEPT people around. I would rather they move to a hotel and leave me with peace and quite :-)

Renee said...

I hope you're feeling better by now. That's a pretty terrible way to spend Valentine's Day :(