Thursday, May 16, 2019

What to Wear for Graduation This Spring According to SwampButt Underwear

Photo by Good Free Photos on Unsplash

Graduation season stretches from mid-May through June and will test the patience, mettle and deodorant of graduates, faculty, staff and spectators. Most graduates will wear the traditional cap and gown for the ceremony. But what about underneath? Is it possible to look reasonably well dressed after spending hours below a black polyester heat trap named ‘graduation robe’? The makers of SwampButt Underwear believe that it is, even after wearing the most poorly planned garment since the fig leaf. No surprise they recommend SwampButt Underwear for graduates and those in attendance.

No One Will See Underneath, Right?

Do not think that wearing a robe means it does not matter what is worn underneath. Throughout the day graduates will take photos with friends, family members, and classmates.  There are parties to attend with friends before and after the ritual. For those without any friends, maybe going out with family?  Regardless, it’s going to get hot and the urge to doff the giant black pole-less tent of a sauna named ‘robe’ will be too hard to resist. So, plan for the robe-less part of graduation day. Wear SwampButt Underwear Made in the USA style sweat wicking underwear to prevent sticking to chairs, bleachers, benches, stools, vinyl restaurant booths, car seats or any other surface where new grads may park their collective rear ends.

The Garment of Choice for European Monks

The graduation gown evolved (probably) from the monks who wore heavy head to toe gowns and hoods to keep out the cold of northern Europe.  These are completely unsuitable for American outdoor ceremonies in early summer or late spring. Think there is nothing hotter or more uncomfortable? Keep reading.

What If It Rains?

Graduation ceremonies occur outdoors at stadiums to accommodate larger crowds of well-wishers and loved ones. But if it rains, graduates’ and ‘immediate family only’ are relegated to the gym or some other exhibition building. Some are air conditioned, but most are not. “Most of these gyms are too big to cool. Not because it isn’t needed but because it’s too expensive,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesperson and frequent guest for lunch Nick Heraldson. “So, people who really love you will sit and suffer in a gym built right after World War 2 with high windows and those chains that open them that no one knows how to work. The higher up in the gym the worse it is.”  All the while, student/graduates swelter away. Students will sit on the floor of the gym in a metal folding chair, fanning themselves with the program while the dean/principal/student body president/local politician/hired outside speaker drones on about how ‘you are our future’ over a ‘hot’ mike that is too garbled for anyone to understand. “At this point, you will be so uncomfortable you will stop trying to listen,” Heraldson predicted.

Stuck to a Metal Chair

Those wearing traditional cotton underwear will sit and sweat and stink during the ceremonial rite of passage. But those who plan ahead, and wear SwampButt Underwear will be cooler and less likely to stick to their chair when they stand up. “There is no coming back from standing at graduation with the chair sticking to your soggy bottom,” Heraldson said sternly. “Your fellow classmates will remember it forever and remind you of it at every opportunity.” 

About SwampButt Underwear

SwampButt Underwear™ is underwear for guys who sweat a lot and disdain visible butt sweat. Along with most other on line clothing vendors, SwampButt Underwear offers exchanges of unopened packages but will not accept those that have been opened. SwampButt Underwear is trademarked in the U.S. and other countries.

SwampButt Underwear will not make commencement less boring but it will keep wearers dryer. 

Discount Code

Use the coupon code 2019 at checkout for a 20% discount on the purchase of the black, made in the USA Swampbutt Underwear.  Offer is valid through to June 19, 2019.

I will be receiving product in exchange for this post.  Please do your own research before purchasing products or using services.  Your opinions and results may differ.


An Apel a Day said...

There is a lot to decide on with what to wear for ceremonies under the robe, or a family/friend that's not graduating.

Kind of off your post, but not really. It's a sore subject at my work. I have my master's degree. No one else has a degree. The boss man wants us all to look the same. Therefore my honors stuff can't be worn. It's like telling a military person they can't show up with their honors on, or a boy scout to wear no badges. I struggle with it every year. I want to be there for my students.