Tuesday, March 10, 2020

My Update on the "I Might Become A Grandma" Post

Shelby scrunching up her nose at me in the 
recovery room

A couple weeks ago I posted the possibility that I Might Become A Grandma.  There were some complications and uncertainties that didn't get answered until recently.  The very short version answer to that post:  I'm not.

And, now, for the longer version:

Shelby waited several days to miscarry on her own.  Never happened.  We went back to the dr. for another ultrasound to make absolutely certain that the baby wasn't viable.  It didn't take any time at all to come to the conclusion that there was no heartbeat.

The dr. talked about the next option, a D & C.  (Dilation and Curettage).  It is a brief surgical procedure where patient is put under and the cervix is dilated so the tissue (aka baby) can be removed.  And that's where things started getting crazy...

In the middle of the convo, Shelby stated she wasn't feeling well and started to pass out.  I jumped up so she could fall over onto the bench.  I was then instructed to get a nurse.  One came in, then a whole herd of them.  Shelby's pulse ox leveled out at 85%, her heart rate lowered to 30 beats per minute, and her skin was yellow and waxy.  When she finally did come to, Shelby started vomiting profusely.  Her body went into shock as a "fight or flight" response to what the dr. had been telling her.

After a long time in the dr.'s office waiting for Shelby to recover, we were able to leave.  The next day was just as taxing.  It was surgery day.

After taking meds to help soften the cervix and maybe help miscarry (didn't), Shelby went in for surgery the next afternoon.  She and I cried intermittently, and I tried to calm her through the nerves.

The procedure itself didn't take long.  Getting prepared for surgery and recovering from was the majority of time taken.
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

Dr. Kagumba was amazeballs.  She said something that rang truer than I ever imagined: "In my 20 years of practice, I've learned that it doesn't matter if a woman miscarries at 5 weeks, 15 weeks, or carries to full term.  The grief is real and raw regardless.  It's an actual grief and an actual process to get through."

I'm not glad it's over, but I'm glad it's over.  I wish my baby could've had this baby.  But this has been a super rough 2.5 weeks with a bunch of unknowns.  And my heart has hurt for my child who's hurting.

The next day after the surgery, Shelby posted on FB:  "Just wanna give a shout out to the best mom and girl could ask for. We’ve had our good times and our bad. But when it gets real I know I can count on her to be there for me. Thanks for living all the ups and downs of the last two weeks with me and helping me to make it thru. I literally couldn’t have done it without you. You’re my hero πŸ₯°πŸ₯°"

(Gave me all the feels.)

So, for now, I will continue to love and adore the two granddaughters I'm blessed to have by marriage.

Photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash

10 comments:

Beth said...

I am sorry and will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.
Please continue to be the amazing mom to her that we know you are and everyone should practice self-care.

Mimi B said...

So sorry to hear what Shelby went through! I'm sure as a mom it was difficult to watch her as she went through it! Praying for her recovery.

Granmama15 said...

This brought back my memory of my 2 miscarriages! I’m only mentioning this, because I definitely know what your sweet Shelby went through! My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I was really young and all I had was my mom! I have to say that I was so glad that she was there!! I kept thinking that it was my fault! That I did something wrong! I was just about through with my first trimester and the pain and bleeding began. They kept me in the hospital for a couple of days until I had the D&C. They made sure that the bleeding was not as much before they sent me home.This happened 48 years ago. Then my second miscarriage happened after I already had two beautiful children!! The second miscarriage happened like the first- Deja Vu. But this was a big shock and just as hurtful and emotional as the first one was! I did have a couple of more children after this one. I brought this up, because you are so right about the devastation! What you said; “I've learned that it doesn't matter if a woman miscarries at 5 weeks, 15 weeks, or carries to full term. The grief is real and raw regardless. It's an actual grief and an actual process to get through." is so TRUE!! The minute I learned that I was pregnant, I already started to fall in love with the baby! Guessing if it was going to be a girl or boy. Thinking of our future together and what you might want to be when you grew up! My mom was even excited at the prospect of becoming a grandma! A miscarriage touches many lives! You are not alone! I wish I could hug you, but I know you’ll be a wonderful mother someday!! πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

Nancy Payette said...

Bless you both!

Mandy- Read. Write. Mom! said...

Bless her heart. I am so sorry she had to go through that. I've experienced this myself and it's a little traumatizing, to say the least. I hope she is feeling a little better and taking good care of herself. I'm glad she had you there for her through it.

Renee said...

So sorry for your family. I hope your daughter feels better very soon!

Theresa Mahoney said...

I am so sorry for your family. You're right. The loss is real and the grief is hard no matter what stage you're at. I'm sure Shelby appreciates the love and support you're showing her in her time of need.

The Lucky Lifestyle said...

So sorry to hear this. Miscarriage is so hard to go through, and made even harder by the fact that its realities are so rarely talked about openly. Thank you for sharing, and wishing your daughter all the best ahead.

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An Apel a Day said...

This post made me want to cry. I feel so much for her. Even though I don't know her, I wish I could give her a hug.

My younger sister is a carrier for Trisomy 18. She had one baby born, then die hours later. That was the roughest time of my life. Prior to that I had never seen a baby being born, nor had I seen someone die. We had a funeral that weekend, and I had to go back to college after that.

She's had 4 other kids, and 6 or 7 miscarriages, since then. She doesn't even always tell us about them. Mainly because she fears being judged, for wanting more kids, when she's a carrier of a genetic flaw.

I am happy to report they are now prego with their 5th child (healthy girl). Her husband got a vasectomy, and a week later they found out she was prego. They have all boys, so this will be different.

Miscarriages are so hard! I want to send anyone peace that goes through it.